Our Loss

by Terri
SuperFoxMe@aol.com

Date: Tue, 19 Jan 1999

Hello my name is Terri. On October 25, 1998 I became sick with the flu. By Wednesday October 28th my temperature was 103. I decided to go to the hospital. The Doctor came in and checked me and said it sounded like I had pneumonia. She said she wanted to have a chest xray done. She wanted to know if there was a chance I could be pregnant. I said there was always a chance but that I really didn't think I was. A pregnancy test was done for safety. After about an hour she came back and said she was going to take me over to xray. We got outside of the room and she said she didn't know if I wanted my daughter to hear, but that they could not do an xray because I was pregnant. I was thrilled to death. I went back in the room where my 14 year old daughter, Heather was and told her the news. She was so excited and started crying. She said "Mom you know this baby is going to think I am its mother because I am going to take care of it." I am 40 years old and have 3 kids, Heather whom is 14, and twin sons, Jeremy and Jonathan whom are 12. Both of my pregnancies were normal. I went full term with both and had no problems at all. My boyfriend, Mike is 33 years old and has 3 boys, Mikey whom is 11, Kurtis is 10, and Devin is 4.

As soon as we got home from the hospital, Heather headed straight for the telephone and called everyone she could think of. I was only 2 weeks and 3 days when we found out. We never dreamed of any problems since my other 2 pregnancies went so well.

Then on Tuesday morning November 17, 1998 I started bleeding some. I didn't think much about it until a little later when the cramping started. I went to the hospital. The Doctor done a pelvic and said my cervics were closed. A vaginal ultrasound showed the baby moving and a good heartbeat. I was told everything was fine just to go home and take it easy and don't do anything until the bleeding stops. Unfortunately the bleeding got worse. Heather would not go to school because she was afraid to leave me. By Thursday I decided to go to the hospital again. The Doctor done another pelvic and said my cervics were still closed. I was relieved because I assumed this meant everything was still okay. The ordered another ultrasound. The ultrasound was done and they took me back to the ER. After what seemed to be forever, the doctor came in and said that the ultrasound showed "Fetal Demise". They mentioned a D&C but decided to wait and see if my body would take care of it on its own. I began passing large amounts of tissue. I cried everytime this happened because I felt I was flushing my baby down the toilet and there was nothing I could do about it. I was crushed. I started crying. I could not believe that in 2 days my baby was dead. They brought Heather and my mom in and I had to break the news to them. Heather was crushed.

It still lives with us everyday. It has been 2 months today since we lost our darling baby. We are hoping to get pregnant again real soon. Please pray for us and hopefully it will happen.