Letter to Baby Shannon

I wanted to thank you for such a great web page. It has been my saving grace as I find reading and writing letters therapeutic. My baby has been gone only 2 weeks and I am still dying inside. I hope you don't mind my sharing the letter we pinned on her grave this morning. This morning was first time I was able to spend a lot of time with her, talking and crying, since her death. Until now, I didn't have the strength to stay there for more than a couple of minutes at a time. Thanks for printing this. Maybe it will help someone else the way their letters have helped me.

Written by SHANNON'S MOM ~ Stacy

4 Jul 1998

My Dear Baby Shannon,

Today is the 4th of July though I don't feel much like celebrating. I still miss you so much. My heart longs to hold you. I picture your face always, wandering how this could have happened, still not believing that you're even gone. I cry for you often. Especially at night. You're always on my heart and mind. I still have your bassinet up in our room. Hopefully, you can lend it to a brother or sister some time soon. But when I look at it, it will always be yours. You were supposed to be sleeping in it next to my bed; easy for me to pick you up and breast feed. Instead, you are sleeping somewhere else. I want you to come home, but I know that is not going to happen. I pray to God every night that this is some kind of sick joke and I will wake up with heartburn to go to the bathroom, and you will still be inside of me. My heart and arms keep asking, "where are you?"

I am upset with God right now. I feel as though he has teased me with your beauty. He let me hear you cry, see the miracle of your being, and touch your tiny fingers that were wrapped around mine. He gave me hope...then he let me hold you and kiss you - after you had died. He is selfish, because he keeps the best babies for himself! You can tell him I said so. I sure you're right there with Him.

I love you, Shannon. I can't put to words the hurt I am feeling without you here. My soul aches for you in my arms. A huge part of me is empty and can't find anything that will fill your space. I want you to know, I think of you always and I long for you constantly. The only comfort I get is that you did not have to go through a life of painful surgeries. Now I know that you are in no pain. I am the one with the pain now.

I love you always,

Mommy

E-mail from other mommies would be greatly appreciated. My address is Going2cabo@aol.com

Thanks for listening - again. This is soooooo hard. By SHANNON'S MOM ~ Stacy