My Angel Baby 

by Cheryl Ross
In memory of Alex James Ross, June 19, 1993.

I was pregnant! So excited and couldn't believe all my excitement and instant love for my baby. My pregnancy went great. No morning sickness, the so-called "perfect" pregnancy. It all started on June 19, 1993 I was 34 weeks along and doing a little last minute baby shopping with my husband. I started feeling a bit sick, flu like symptoms. I went home and started having mild contractions. I called my Dr. and was told to drink water I had probably gotten a bit dehydrated and that should stop them, if not to call back. Well I got only a few sips down when I got sick. I laid down on the bed and my worst nightmare was about to unfold before my eyes.

My water broke! Being my first baby and all I instantly panicked! It was not time for this to be happening. I got on the phone with my Dr. and he said he would meet me at the hospital. The whole way to the hospital I just kept thinking, "it is not time for this to be happening!" Once at the hospital I undressed and got in my gown, everyone as calm as can be and I was about to jump out of my skin. I couldn't believe they were all so calm. I laid on the bed and they hooked me up to all the monitors... "70" I heard someone say," Oh God 70!" I was watching my baby's heart beat fade right before me! All at once everyone started moving a lot faster, yelling orders and I fell into a haze. I was told that my baby was in fetal distress and they had to get him out now!

All I remember is the heart monitor in front of me and the noise. I just wanted to slip away somewhere, I am not sure where just not there. So much was happening so fast and I felt as if I was not even there, my body was there but I was absent. I was wheeled into the operating room alone, my husband was left to do all the paper work. I was prepared for an emergency c-section. This is not what I had pictured, dreamed. A nurse grabbed my hand and told me to count from 100 to 1. I squeezed the hand of the soft-spoken stranger and said pleaded with him to save my baby. My son's heartbeat was now down to 50! I woke up trembling and so cold, colder than I had ever been. I looked around, so much had happened, so fast, was it real? Was it all a dream? I was so cold! After what seemed forever of my mind wondering and trying to grasp reality a woman walked in. I asked how my baby was and she came closer and touched my arm. I asked if my baby had made it. She shook her head and said no that he hadn't. I died at that moment, my whole life was completely meaningless at that point. My baby had died? It was not supposed to happen this way. I had a perfect pregnancy, nothing had gone wrong, not until now.

My baby was gone. I was told that by the time they got my baby son Alex James Ross out it was too late. He had no vitals, they worked on him for 45 min. to no avail. It was found that there was a slight constriction in the umbilical cord and it had slowly cut off his necessary means of life. We were so very lucky to have a wonderful hospital staff that turned us in the direction of a wonderful support group called RTS Resolve through sharing in Las Vegas. It has been almost 5 years now and not 1 day goes by that Alex is not in my thoughts and prayers. It is nearing what would be his 5th birthday, He now has a 3 1/2 year old sister Lacey and a 1 year old sister Jillian. I know he is watching over them. Alex you are always on my mind and forever in my heart. We love you our angel Baby June 19, 1993.