To Mother and Father

by Diane Rodgers

I could write a book but will sum things up for you as concisely as possible. Our daughter is 12 years old (she'll be l3 in August). We tried for years to get pregnant, but with no luck. In 1993 my husband's sister (who had already lost custody of her 3 sons) gave birth to an adorable 4 lb. 8 oz. little girl and since she tested positive for alcohol at birth, the authorities were immediately contacted. We were granted custody of the baby and we brought her home from the hospital 3 weeks after her birth. In January of 1994 I found out I was pregnant - wow - 10 years of trying and now that we suddenly have a newborn in the house, I wind up pregnant!!! We were ecstatic. Went for my first exam and the doc ordered a sonogram because he thought I miscalculated, but no miscalculation on my part - we were having TWINS ! ! ! ! !

I gave birth to the twins (Jessica Caitlyn and Cody Jordan) on August 19, 1994 (exactly 10 years and 4 days after our daughter's birthdate). When the twins were 6-1/2 weeks old, I returned to work and we had a nanny come to the house to watch our 3 little ones. I worked my first day, everything went fine with the nanny (she agreed to come back the next day), and the evening went fine. At 4:30 in the morning, Cody got up for a bottle and I fed him and put him in his bouncer seat after I was done, while I went in to get Jessica. That was when my world came down around me - I was the one who found Jessi dead ! ! It has been 2 - 1/2 years now since she died and honestly, I think I'm still in shock because I haven't had a chance to REALLY grieve losing her. My husband has - he turns to the "bottle" to deal with his pain. My kids (who, by the way consist of our 12 year old daughter, our (adopted) daughter who is now 4, our son Cody who will be 3 in August, our 12 year old mentally handicapped nephew and our 16 year old nephew (biological brothers to our 4 year old). So, working full-time, taking care of 5 kids at home and dealing with my hubby doesn't leave me much time to deal with ME ! ! ! Plus the fact that exactly 53 weeks after losing our daughter, my mom died of a massive heart attack - I'm an only, and she was my best friend in the world.

I honestly didn't intentionally come here to cry the blues, I just wanted to tell me story and to share a beautiful poem that another SIDS mother had given to me after Jessi died.

To Mother and Father,

There's a corner up in Heaven, where the little babies play,
and our Blessed Mother watches all throughout the live-long day.
They're a happy lot, these babies; sure the reason's very plain,
for they've missed the world's contagion; came unscathed without its pain.

'Tis an angel band they call them; and you both should happy be,
You're the parents of an angel; 'cause your baby's there you see.
Yes, and shining down upon you, with an innocence sublime,
Waiting, watching for the parents, she will meet again in time.

You should never be rebellious, rather thank a loving God
For your little guardian angel, as along life's way you plod.
With a faith that never falters, clasping each the other's hand,
Pledge yourselves to meet your baby, in that Better Happy Land.

I thank you for listening and would welcome e-mail from anyone who would
like to maintain contact with me.
Sincerely,
Diane Rodgers