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Guilt vs. Regretby Christy Prough
We have something in common. Abby was also at the sitters, and she died on her stomach. That really bothered me for a long time until I began hearing of all the infants that have died on their backs, being held, in a carseat, etc. I felt that I didn't do all that I should have by not "forcing" my sitter to put Abby on her side to sleep, and I truly believed for a short while that I was to blame for her death because of that (I still think my sister believes that's why Abby died). Now I know that there are no guarantees - no matter how "right" you do things, babies still die of SIDS. As long as you know in your heart that you nor your sitter did anything intentional to harm your child, you have to let it go someday. I still wonder about it, but I don't blame myself anymore. Our support group facilitator really helped me with one thing - I have to share it. What is the difference between "guilt" and "regret"? Guilt is when you have intentionally done something that you know is wrong and feel "guilty" for it- ex: you steal a candy bar and get caught - your "guilty". Regret is when you KNOW that you didn't do anything intentional but WISH it could have been different. Based on the above, is anyone here "guilty" of causing the death of their child? I don't think so. We all have regrets, but we shouldn't have guilt.
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