My Little Sweatpea

by pbeauerb

Update: Mon, 3 Jul 2000

Date: Mon, 2 Aug 1999

My story is like so many. You plan for the greatest gift god can give you and then in a flash it is all gone. My husband and I have had two major losses in our lives. The first was when I was 12 weeks along in my first pregnancy I started to bleed and there was nothing the doctors could do for us. My desire to have a baby was so strong that I tried right away. It took 7 long months but during the holiday season of 1998 we celebrated the wonderful news that we again were blessed. My pregnancy was very difficult I was sick every day but my loving husband took care of every thing. To me it did not matter how bad I felt because all I could think about was my baby. People constantly were ask how I was feeling and my response to them was it is all worth to hold my baby in my arms and give it love. By 15 weeks my blood pressure was sky high the doctor did not seem to worry but in the end it could not be controlled. He now tells me he did not think it was the cause of Dylan's death but I think other wise. At 30 weeks my child had stopped moving because I was so concerned I called the doctor and went to the hospital they could not tell me why his heart rate was so crazy but would watch me. Well my little boy wanted to be just like me determined to be seen late Friday night on June 11th Dylan was born at 3pounds 7 oz he was small but strong had to have it his way. The doctors say the cord was short and around his neck so that's why his heart rate was falling. The doctors told my husband the next 48 hours were critical. In my heart I knew he would make it but that was not the case. On Saturday our whole family came to see my blonde hair blue eyed miracle. And by Sunday morning 4:00 AM he was gone the doctors said his lungs were just not strong enough. my whole world was falling apart.

How could god take away my little sweatpea which I called while he was still in my tummy. why me ? People often believe god dishes out what he thinks people can handle and make them strong. My husband and I have a very strong and loving relationship and these to tragedies have made our relationship even stronger. We planned for our son in so many ways and now we grieve for him in so many ways to. I visit him every week and know that he is now look over me and will always help my find the right road to take. I know it has only been 8 weeks but my husband and I have so much love to give a child that we are already trying. I now know that I must question every little thing that doctors do because they can never be too careful and this terrible thing can happen to any one.

Date: Mon, 3 Jul 2000

The past 2 years have been hard but all my dreams have finally come true. On May 4th ,2000 I had a beautiful baby boy named Brandon Parker. After one miscarriage and the loss of my first son Dylan I searched for a doctor that was going watch me like a hawk. My third pregnancy was hard like the first two but after being on bed rest for five weeks. I had Brandon at 37 weeks and he was perfect so for any one going through what my husband and I went through know that there is hope out there for all of us