A Fathers Point of View

By Gerardo Orozco
In memory of Brandon David Orozco

How does it feel to be a father that has lost his first born son? At first it was like the world was the worst place to be. The pain and anguish were so great that I just could not bare it. Many men have said to me, “I don’t know how you can bare it.” They make it sound like I have a choice. All I really wanted to do was die with him.

My son was only 2 months old, but I can tell you that in those 2 months he taught me the importance of family and love and how precious life can be. At the same time, he taught me how fragile we are and how vulnerable we are. He touched me so deeply that he was able to physically and emotionally change who and what I am. People that have never experienced this type of loss will never know how it can change a person. When you lose a child you lose all of your hopes and dreams. People can’t understand that your life is forever changed. When you lose a baby people can be very cruel. They feel that you could not be emotionally attached, since you do not have too many memories of his life. You should just have another child and the pain will go away. People do not realize that it is not how many memories you have of a child, but that bond you have from when you see them for the first time. That bond is why it hurts so much weather he is a baby, child, teenager or adult. It does not matter. You have lost something so precious that only people that have experienced it could understand.

As a father that now has a beautiful 2-year-old son, the pain does not go away. Sometimes it can be worse. Every step and every thing that my son does is wonderful, but it also reminds me that Brandon did not get a chance to do the same things. Time has helped me reach an understanding of how short life is and to not take my new child for granted. Brandon has taught me to cherish every breath and every smile Ethan has to offer. By me doing this I will continue to honor Ethan’s big brother Brandon David Orozco.