My Baby's Gone

by Myssi

Date: Tue, 16 Mar 1999

It has been almost 7 months since I lost my baby. I was around 10 by my calendar and 8 weeks by the 1st ultrasound. I had 3 periods in August but by August 24 I still knew I was pregnant I took the test even though I was still bleeding and sure enough it was positive. I went to my DR the next day and she said I needed an ultrasound she though I might be having a tubal pregnancy.

During the ultrasound I begged the tech to tell me for sure there was a healthy baby in me, she said she could not do that but then she hit a button and I heard a heart beat. I asked if that was mine and she smiled and quietly said "no". I began to cry for me and my husband had tried to get pregnant for almost a year. I asked her for a photo and she gave me one but told me to hide it the hospital was not allowed to give them out.

My DR called me later that night and said there was something wrong with the baby and I needed more blood work done. I went back in and to make a long story short by august 31,98 my healthy, live, heart beating baby was dead. I had no pain, no more bleeding for 2 months and I still felt pregnant. I cried for help, for someone to listen and I could find no one!!!!

My husband was in his own world of grief and my family just guessed I should have been over it in a day or two. still 7 months later I still am not over it. I hurt so bad. I want my baby. I would be due in April. on the 19th. is this pain ever ever going to go away. this was my 3 miscarriage and it hurt me the worst. my other two were when I was a teen and I am not sure I knew then what it really meant to be pregnant or to lose a child. if anyone wants to talk I sure could use some friends. thanks for listening.

Myssi