On this day I think of you...

by Melissa

Date: Tue, 11 Apr 2000

Today is my birthday. I should be 6 and a half months pregnant today.

In just a few months you were going to be born. What went wrong? I finally quit blaming myself. I don't think it was the hot water in the Jacuzzi or the Halloween party I went to anymore. I gave up on trying to find answers. The doctors told your daddy that I may have a spark that may set off a memory and make me cry. I always thought it would be your due date, not my birth date. Ironically I had a dream of you last night. I held you, played with you and made you laugh. You had blonde hair like me, and brown eyes like your dad. I'm sorry. I wish I could have fixed you. Whatever was wrong with you. But I couldn't. I think you were a boy. So I call you Cameron. I know with all my heart you know me, you know I love you, and you are in Heaven...finally perfect. On my birthday I want to send this message to Heaven. I know, for some reason, that my baby, even though he miscarried very early in my pregnancy, knows me. He is alive and perfect. What he couldn't be here on earth, he is and more in Heaven. Some day I will try again with your dad. And when that child is born, I will not forget you or replace you.