Charlotte Rose's Story

by Colleen Lembo

Date: Mon, 19 Oct 1998 17:12:26 EDT

Every little girl dreams of having a beautiful baby one day, one that is happy and healthy. I was no exception. While driving to a Doctor's appointment one day, the song "Butterfly Kisses" was playing and I knew I was to have a little girl and she would dance with her Daddy on her wedding day.

On October 28, 1997 my beautiful Charlotte Rose was born. She was named after her maternal grandmothers. She was exactly was I pictured my daughter would be with one exception, she was premature. After 3 and a half weeks in the NICU she was home. Like every new parent my husband and I were aware of SIDS and took ALL necessary precautions to prevent it. We went on to have a wonderful 4 months and 16 days.

On March 17, 1998 our world would change forever. We received the call from the baby sitter that Charlotte was not breathing and was being taken to the hospital, the police officer said "be careful driving". It was at that moment I knew she was gone. Seeing her lay on that gurney as the Dr and nurses performed CPR was as if I was watching an episode of ER but it was real life. She had her eyes slightly open looking at my as if to say "I'm going Mommy and I love you". After 1 hour and 45 minutes I told the Dr to stop and let her go in peace. My husband and I held her kissed her trying to bring her back, knowing it was not possible. We decided to donate her heart valves and corneas so that some other parent would be spared the same anguish we were experiencing. And Charlotte's memory would live on.

My guilt began when I felt as though I should have been with her. My anger lay in the fact that she was placed to sleep on her stomach, a request we had made clear that should NOT be done. Of course the "what ifs" were there and were hard to let go. It has been 7 months without our "Pooh" and life will never be the same. It is so difficult when all our friends are having babies and in August we suffered a miscarriage. Her 1st birthday is in 2 weeks.

WHY are OUR babies dying when there are babies being killed and neglected. Don't these parents realize what a PRIVELEDGE it is???? I guess just another unanswered question. To all those parents who have suffered my heart goes out to you. Our angels are watching over us.....even though they should be with us. They have left behind a legacy that for as long as we all live so will they. I only hope that someday there is an END to this and that no other parent has to spend their child's birthday in the cemetery but watching them blow out the candles on their birthday cake.