My Baby

by Kristy Lee

Update: 04 Nov 2000

Date: Sun, 27 Feb 2000

After reading other peoples stories I am finally working up the courage to tell mine.

My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for 4 months when I realised that I was overdue for my period. I am a bit pessimistic by nature and thought that it was just the stress of waiting and that I was not pregnant but a few days later I bought a home test and when it came up positive I could not believe that I had been so blessed. After ringing my husband at work (He was overjoyed with the news) I made a doctors appointment to make sure that I was pregnant.

At 12 weeks we went for our first ultrasound and what happened then is something I don't think I will forget. The tech called me in and after placing the probe over my uterus he got very quiet. Then he asked me if I was sure that I was pregnant. When I said yes he then said that he had to do an internal ultrasound. After that he then told me that there was no baby, just an empty sac. He then rang my local hospital to arrange a D&C and told me to "Go home, have a cry and get on with your life". The insensitivity of those words still makes me angry. When I got home I rang my mother who immediately came over to take me to her house while my husband had to go back to work. I just felt so helpless, that my baby had died and I couldn't do anything about it.

After the D&C I thought that I could start to get over this and keep going. I was wrong. After nearly 2 weeks the bleeding had yet to stop so I went back to the hospital and after several trips where I got the most insensitive doctors who could not have cared less about what was happening, they said that they had missed some of the placenta and I had to have another D&C. So here I am 6 months later still not knowing why this happened and starting to try again. But to tell the truth I am scared that this will happen again. I am lucky, I have had a lot of family support and a counseling service that I can ring at any time but in the end I have to face this myself and get through each day as it comes as my due date arrives (March 5).

Thank you for letting me share this with you.

Update: 04 Nov 2000

After losing my first pregnancy I was scared to try again but in early April I had the best news possible I was pregnant again. (I thought that I had the flu and that was why I was feeling sick so often) The most amazing thing about all this is that we had only been trying for a few months and everyone had told us not to expect anything for a year or so but I am now starting my seventh month and while I don't think that I will ever totally forget the one we lost my husband and I can see that we needed some extra space and time to become closer to each other. Thank you.