My unborn child

by Katie

Date: Sun, 9 Apr 2000

I'm scared to cry and I'm scared not to. It's been nearly a week since my miscarriage and I still long for my child and wish I could try again, but I can't. You see, I'm only 17 years old and although some may look down on me for getting pregnant at such a young age, I don't care. I would never have nor could I have given up my child, no matter what the reason.

I met my boyfriend nearly 6 months ago and it didn't take long for me to realize I was in love. He's great. So about 2 months after we started dating I went on the pill for all the good it did me. We were really careful, using condoms if I missed a pill or had a stomach bug but it seems it wasn't enough to prevent me from becoming pregnant.

About 2 weeks ago I had suspected I was pregnant simply from the fact my belly was growing (more than usual) so I took a pregnancy test which proved positive and scared into buying another just to check. It was negative and more highly acclaimed than the last so I hoped for the best.

The next thing I knew I was having a miscarriage. And although I never knew my baby was there (at least uncertain) I still longed for it and cried my way to and from the doctors, to the hospital and back, to work and back, to my boyfriends college and then home. My friends don't really understand quite what this means and just keep telling me I'm too young to be a mum. I DON'T CARE! The first thing is I don't have the advantage of trying again in a couple of months , it'll be more like 5 years. If one more person tells me it was for the best I'll strangle them. Also being so young has made it hard for me to find any support that I need as most places and books concentrate on couples who are actively trying to conceive a child.

It has to be said though that my mother has been great having been through two miscarriages herself. I wish I could say the same for my grandmother! My boyfriend of course was great as always and upset too. You see we are in love and we always will be and hopefully in the near future with a good job, income and marriage behind us we'll have at leat three kids to think about. Thanks for listening.