Why Us (and an update)

by Tanis Hore

Date: Sat, 05 Sep 1998

I have just spent the last hour reading all the letters in your sight and cried my eyes out. I am 34 years old and found out yesterday that I am almost 6 weeks pregnant. My husband and I are so happy, but also really scared. We have been trying to have a baby now for 6 years. Due to unforeseen complications with a back surgery my husband had, he was paralyzed from the waist down. We were assured that his sperm was healthy though he would have to have a surgery to have it removed on each of my cycles for artificial insemination. So the fertility treatments started. We have had two pregnancies, though we have lost both of them. This being the reason why I am so scared. I'm afraid to accept the pregnancy in case I lose this one too. I cry and pray almost everyday for my two babies I lost. I know that we are not the only ones with fertility problems, and my heart goes out to all of the couples like us. But why is God doing this to us? We're not bad people. I get so angry when I see these young unwed girls having babies like it's so easy to do and all of these unwanted kids in the world. I don't want to write our whole story right now, you can imagine after six years what we've been through. But if there's any women who would just like to keep in touch, maybe we could help each other through some tough times.

Tanis
Tanis_Hore@bc.sympatico.ca

Date: Tue, 13 Oct 1998

First I would like to thank all of the wonderful women who sent me their kind words and thoughts after reading our story. It's nice to have someone who understands. As they know, we do not have a happy ending to our story. On Sept 18th I was rushed to the hospital to find out I also had a pregnancy in my right tube that had ruptured. When I arrived at the hospital by ambulance my blood pressure was only 70/33. I was bleeding to death internally. Other than some severe abdominal pain, which I thought was the miscarriage in the uterus, I had no other signs until I fainted and had severe shoulder pain. Which I later found out is a main sign of tubal pregnancy. My wonderful husband knew something wasn't right and reacted quickly. The on call OBGYN surgeon that was there saved my life and we are forever indebted to him. I had a rough time in the hospital with lots of side effects, but I had so much family and friends support that I'm well on the road to recovery. My husband is my savior, he knows when to hold me so I can just cry and when to make me laugh. My best friend Gail left her three kids and drove four and a half hours to stay with me for 3 days. My dad flew 2000km to stay with me for a week. And we've had my mom's home cooked meals delivered. I could not have gotten through this if I didn't have these people, I love you. My husband and I are positive people and we know we'll be parents one day. We applied for adoption 5 years ago, and we're looking forward to our home study starting this fall. We still have lots of hopes and dreams, we will always mourn our losses and shed many tears but we know something good will come out of this. After every storm there's a rainbow. I hope and pray for all of you that there will one day be a happy ending for everyone.

Tanis