To Bryce on your 3rd death date

by Kristy Dockstader

(ed. note; Kristy is a SIDS Network Circle of Support volunteer)

Date: Fri, 21 Aug 1998

This time of year is the hardest for daddy and I, we are hit with the realization that you are never going to see fall leaves or learn to snow ski. Of course this is offset by knowing that you are never going to have to go through the trials of life and that you are protected by someone much larger than us. I just hope that you smile down on us and are pleased with our progress in the grief process. It has been a long road so far with many potholes and lots of dirt roads, but along the way we have found some beautiful things to stop and look at. We know now that it's the little things in life that make it worth living.

My grief comes in waves as it probably does for many parents, still the scary thing is not knowing when you are going to hit the bottom. Sometimes I think that I am doing very well and then something is said or I hear a baby cry and my world can still come crashing down. There are still also times that I feel depressed and I can't figure out why and then it hits like a ton of bricks, my baby died of SIDS. And at times I feel like I am in a dream world, but I know that I don't.

The one thing that has been my lifesaver was the birth of my daughter, Bryce's little sister Kyra. She was born five weeks after his 1st death date. She has brought joy back into our lives and a love that is so hard to describe. Bryce, you did a wonderful job picking out your baby sister. She has brought colors back into our lives that were dulled the day you died.

I realize that you may never see the color of fall or learn to snow ski, but you see and do everything that our family does.

We love you very much Bryce and miss you with all of our heart and soul.

Love, Mommie
Bryce Cameron Dockstader 5-23-95 to 9-6-95
Kristy Dockstader
Kristy@dynatron.com