Yesterday it happened to me

by Carol Barbera

I am a child Daycare provider. Yesterday it happened to me. Although the autopsy has not been received yet I feel so bad and responsible. I wrote most of it down below.

Yesterday at around 4pm Phil & I went to the bank to sign papers on a loan. We got home at around 5. Phil was out front and didn't know what was going on. Guy and my helper had been here with the children. I put my things down and went out there to check on and see that my little ones were ok. All the big ones were but when I got to my smallest one, he was 4 months, he was blue and a little stiff. I had put him down for a nap before I left. Anyway I started CPR and called 911 but was having trouble keeping the phone on my ear and that's when Guy walked in and realized what was happening and picked the phone up and talked to the fire department 911 person.

I thought he was coming back to us because his color was getting better. It seemed to take forever for the fire department to get here. They are only 3 blocks away. I never heard the sirens. Phil, like I said, was out front and the firemen asked him if this was 180 and he said yes. When they got here they took my baby Jack away real fast. Then I was told by the baby's grandmother to call the mother so I ran to get the registration card. Here in Arizona it's called a Blue card because it is blue. But I couldn't see it and was looking for my glasses and Guy took it and called her. Then I lost control and cried and yelled and Guy was holding me on the floor. Then I wanted to go to the hospital so he took me. They put us in a little room and the Chaplain for the fire department kept reporting what was happening. Then the doctor came in and told us they couldn't bring him back. Tracy, the mother, went in to hold him and Guy brought me home. Later, sometime in the night, the police came and talked to Guy and me. Then I was thinking and knew I had to call the Health department. So I tried but they were closed. But I called in the morning and they came down and took a report. The police came today to talk to my helper.

I have heard from 2 people that they think, but is not proven, that sometimes 1 to 3 days after immunizations this happens. But it's not proven so the doctors won't say it. We have to wait for the coroner's report, at least the preliminary one, but every one including the doctor (unofficially) believes it to have been SIDS. I do too and I know everything and all that stuff but it still doesn't make it any easier . He was SOOO normal, starting to show his personality & talk to us. I even took him outside for the first time yesterday. The weather was nice and all the children were out for the first time in weeks.

Tomorrow evening I'm having a meeting so all the parents can be told how to answer their child's questions. Today I had to call or tell, IN person, every parent. But it was on the local radio and it will be in our paper tomorrow I'm sure.

I don't know why I felt the need to tell you but every one told me I should write it down. I kind of think maybe or probably if I was home and not at the bank for that hour I might have checked on him more often and this would not have happened. Baby Jack never liked to lay down when he was here. I think he just didn't want to miss anything he was so bright. When I laid him down I put him on his side but when I found him he was on his tummy. I guess he could have rolled a little before he went to sleep. He cried a little at first.

I have been caring for children for over 15 years not counting my own 2 boys, ages 15 & 23, and have never had anything ever happen like this. I guess I just needed an ear. Thank you for being there.