Thank You

reprinted with permission

We became pregnant with our 8 month old daughter just 2 months after our son died of SIDS on July 11, l994. The pregnancy was a surprise, one that I was not sure that I wanted. For the first seven months of my pregnancy I was in denial. I wasn't sure I wanted this new baby or if I could ever love her. Then I read something in a book that said, "If my new baby were to die today what would I regret?" From that time on I have loved my baby with all of my heart. Yes, sometimes it is hard but it is never too hard to love our baby. Most of the time my instincts as a mother are in charge. I was very doubtful that I could be a good mother again. Sometimes I have days when I want to only think of my son who died of SIDS. But my new daughter doesn't seem to mind. She loves me when I'm sad as well as happy. And since the day she was born I always want to be with her. She doesn't replace my son but she does make me happy. Here is a poem I wrote for my friends and family who gave me a nice baby shower when I was pregnant with my subsequent daughter:

Thank You

Life keeps moving forward
A voice tells me to take part.
I wish I could ignore that voice,
but he is the love of my broken heart.

His words are my strength,
Guiding me through each day
But my fears sometimes are louder,
and I get lost along the way.

Then I hear your kindness,
And my heart is mended with love.
I believe he sent you to me,
with his sweet voice from above.

Thank you for listening to him,
and for being here with me.
You've helped me see the beauty
of what my life can be.

This baby will bring me joy again,
Yet my fears will also be new.
But I will have the strength,
because in my heart,
is the love of my son and you.