Five Years Today

by Kelly Alexander
Remembering my sweet baby boy Cole Tyler Alexander on the day he went with the angels, 2-9-93

Wake up, little boy - it's time for breakfast! (your big silly grin that morning will live in my heart forever) It's cold today!
(your eyes, so serious, peeking out of your snowsuit at me - DID YOU KNOW?) Mommy's dropping you off early so she can stop at the store and pick out your very first Valentines Cards to mail out! (I would give anything for that extra ten minutes I could have spent with you) Kisses and Hugs, see you at 5.

At work, writing checks, balancing accounts, just a regular day..... (The receptionist says I keep getting strange phone calls. What's going on? I wonder)
A call for me....
(My brother:STAY THERE! I AM COMING FOR YOU! WE HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!
Dad? I ask......No, he says.......it's Cole) Call the sitter, say the girls at work. I call and there is no answer. I wait outside for my brother. Are you ok? asks a passer-by. I do not answer. (I see the car turn the corner, my brother, my mom. Mom climbs over the seat to be with me. Now I can not deny it - this is very bad.) I run into the ER - Where is my baby?

A man approaches me, a minister. I back away from him. They are working with Cole - I am just here to be with you. They always call me when there is a code.
(A CODE? I will never again hear that word without remembering this exact moment.)
Let's all go to this private room over here, the minister says. (I know what that room is for, and remember every step I took towards it) The doctor comes in. He is very upset. His mouth is moving but I don't understand his words.
(My brother beats on the wall, my dad is crying, my mom holds me.) This feels like a movie I don't want to watch.

My husband arrives and I have to tell him our sweet baby boy is gone. (Crying and loud talk outside - others have been told.) Do you want to see your baby, they ask.
(We hold him, we study his face, and we try to say goodbye.) We go home to a house that just that morning was full of laughter and love and hope.
(This house was now cold and empty, full of pain and disbelief.) There is business to take care of, funeral home, cemetery, clothing, phone calls.
(Look at all the cars driving around - don't they know what has happened?) Doesn't everyone realize that the world changed today?

It is now five years later. You would be such a big boy now, fishing with your daddy, starting school this year.
(Do you know how much we loved you? Do you know how much you changed our lives?)
Will you be there to meet us on the day we leave this life?

Remembering my sweet baby boy Cole Tyler Alexander on the day he went with the angels, 2-9-93.

Kelly
Mommy of Cole (10/11/92-2/9/93) and Nicholas (8/2/95)