My Twin Girls

by Tanya Aceves

31 May 1998

January 8, 1997 my twin girls were born via c-section they were 26 weeks gestation. Nichole was born weighing 1# 6oz, and Ashley was born weighing 1# 1oz. Nichole went to heaven shortly after birth, and Ashley went to the NICU. I stayed in the hospital for a few days where I was able to hold my baby girl, that was the hardest thing to do because I wanted so badly to take her home and never let her go. When I saw Ashley she was so tiny, I didn't even know what to think, she had so many tubes everywhere, this was not something a baby should have to go through, but I prayed that God would get her through this and I would be able to take her home one day. I would go to the hospital everyday and talk to her and just stare at her and wish I could hold her. In the meantime I rented a breastpump so I could pump my milk, so when they decided to start feeds she could have breastmilk. One month went by than two months, and at two months it seemed like she was actually doing good, considering the previous month was a roller coaster.

So we started to plan for her to come home. At about three months things started to look bad, she started to retain fluid, and she was not urinating, and the doctors ran tests to figure out what was wrong, but they just couldn't find out, after about a week the doctors told us things were not going to get better she just kept retaining fluid and it was pushing up on her diaphragm, and if we didn't stop life support, she would bleed to death internally, and I didn't want that, she had already been through so much, so on April 27, 1997 they took all the tubes off her, and I finally held her without anything attached to her just like I always wanted to do.

I held her for a long time, and I didn't want to let her go, I never felt a pain like this before, I felt like I couldn't go on, and I was praying for a miracle. After I went home I looked in my freezer and I saw 3 months worth of breastmilk that I had to throw away, I threw It away after about a month and I cried when I did it. I later found out Ashley died of cirrhosis of the liver, and she was not a candidate for a liver transplant because she was still to small, and in very critical condition. It has been a little over a year and I still miss them very much but I have peace in my heart knowing they are in a better place, and no longer in pain.

Thank you for letting me share my story with you.

Feel free to e-mail me at lzumwalt@uia.net